urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:swurplekitty -- no conversation, just pure deception, pure lust defined the bullet in russian roulette 2008-09-07T21:00:12Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:swurplekitty:13936 2008-09-07T20:59:49Z 2008-09-07T21:00:12Z I got a paid account. Whootwhoot. I also have a new layout. Blair/Chuck are my OTP.<br /><br />It's been a long time since I wrote in here. 11 weeks apparently. Download! Ohmy. I've had a time of ups and downs, great highs followed quickly by great crashes. I've turned twentyone and found that perhaps I'm not as infallible and unfeeling as I originally thought. The past few weeks to a month have been hard, very, very hard and lonely. I've had no one to turn to really. My best friend doesn't listen to me when I say I'm not ok and I'm too scared or <i>something</i> to tell anyone else. I know they would listen, they would care and go through the right motions of helping me and I want that but in the end I do not wish to be like him. I know they're there and that is all I need, they support me without knowing it. I just wish it wasn't so hard sometimes.<br /><br />Also, I've become something of a hermit. Is being addicted to roleplaying and the internet a bad thing? Well, oops! RP gives me an escape, an out to all the grey of my life. None of it is black - my life is not bad, but boring, lifeless and listless. I want to get out of here, to drive and never look back. If I had the money I would go tomorrow and I would love every second of it, every moment of freedom.